Control: The Joy of Trusting Yourself

I have had an amazing summer! It was so many things that I never knew I needed in my life. I say that because I could never have predicted where life was going to take me. But, who really can? I have been spending a good deal of time on releasing my need for control. I recently hired a new assistant and she is the best thing since ice cream (yes, she's that good). Part of the reason I feel so strongly is because she has finally taught me the lesson of releasing my need for control. It really clicked for me when I figured out it was really about trust. And it's not what you think. I am not finally learning to trust someone to do what is required. I am finally trusting myself enough to put myself in the right hands.

 This is really what trust is all about for me. I have been thinking a lot about trust recently. It's kind of a funny thing. People are always expressing their desire to be "able" to trust someone. But, my question is ~ if you put this person in your life, don't you trust yourself to know that they're worthy of trust? Yes, I understand that people can betray your trust. I have been both betrayed and the betrayer. But, remember, I'm talking about releasing your need for control. I'm not talking about trust between friends, family or lovers. I'm speaking specifically about our lack of trust that people can do "it" as well as you, or will care about it as much as you do, or whether they'll do it the way that you want them to. I'm talking about releasing the idea that you actually have control and trusting that people are capable.

I had a crazy experience the other day when I tried to be self-sufficient and contacted someone directly, instead of having my assistant do it. The person reacted as though they were in trouble! I have been training people for weeks to contact my assistant first if they want anything because she usually has the answer and I am usually busy. So, when this person heard from me, she immediately thought I was following up because I was unhappy. It was actually really awesome! It was a nice ego stroke that someone thinks that I'm that important (ha!ha! ME). But it was also a testament to the fact that my system of communication is working. 

In the past, I have really found myself bogged down by details. Often when I needed to be thinking about the overall concepts of a project, I have been stuck in the minutia because there was no one else to care but me. This is both irritating and inefficient. I have had people work for me before. When I have, they have been an amazing gift to my life. I am able to do more, go farther, be better, just from having a good support system.

Trusting yourself is the key. If you do not trust yourself to know the difference between who is or will be on your side, then you are probably finding your life running at a slower, less productive pace. And you are probably running around feeling really crazy most of the time. No one can be all things at all times, period. However, it is vitally important to remember that the only thing we can control is HOW we behave.

All semblance of control needs to just be let go. The best we can hope for is a sense of well being with your situation.

 I am going to give you an assignment. I want you to ask someone that you trust to do something for you. This is something that under normal circumstances you wouldn't "trust" anyone to do for fear that they won't do it right. This cannot be something that would be life threatening or job threatening if it weren't done right it just needs to be something that would be an annoyance if you later had to do it yourself.

The kicker is that you cannot check to make sure it's being done. You cannot call, text, email, send smoke signals just to "check in" or to "see how it's going". It is vital that you release the idea that you have any control over this. See what this feels like, did you have an easy or hard time with it?

If you are anything like I have been in the past, this will make you crazy! I still find myself creating havoc with my schedule when I don't follow my own rule and try to do it without consulting the keeper of my brain and my calendar.  I have to remind myself why I trust her.

And now for a throw back that is just great for a giggle...the only control we have is over ourselves ~ sing it Janet!

Enough: The Joy of Saying When

I ended a working relationship today. Although those kinds of situations are never pleasant, this felt incredibly satisfying. I finally said "when".

I have been in a whirlwind of activity over the last two months. I have started several new projects, hired an assistant (she's the best thing since ice cream, yes she's that good), writing assignments continue to come my way, all-in-all it's been a productive summer. I also took on a job that I thought was going to answer some really important issues for me, that, however, was not the case.

So, when time began to pass and each week there was another reason why something didn't go the way we had planned...I started getting concerned. Everyone that had been there, quit (hmmm, do they know something I don't...nah). Then the reason that they originally wanted me there completely changed. Why are we still trying to make this work?

I know why. I hate to fail at anything. If I quit, that means I've failed. If I fire you as a client, that means I've failed you. What I never give myself the credit for is recognizing when it is no longer working for either party and someone has to said "when".



One of my all-time favorite movies is "Regarding Henry" with Harrison Ford. He plays this high-powered, creep of an attorney in NYC. He gets shot and has brain damage. So, he has to learn how to do everything all over again. In one scene, he is trying to go back to his old life at the law firm and his secretary is pouring a coffee. She tells him to say when...you know the rest. The cup runs over and that's when she explains to him that..."when you've had enough say when"

This is a simple statement, but a powerful one. It pretty much can be used for any situation. If you know that things are just not moving in a direction that is either healthy or joyful for either party, it's time to say when. Someone has to be strong enough.

I had someone working for me a couple of years ago. Each week there was some other reason why the work didn't get done...2 hospital stays notwithstanding. So, finally I just said to her that it was time to be done. I told her that I could see that things were not working out the way that we had hoped and no one was happy with the situation. She hugged me and said thank you! She didn't want to tell me that she couldn't do it, but she was so relieved that I ended it. That was the easiest time I had firing someone, ever! But, it also taught me that saying "when" is useful for something other than a cup of coffee.

Why do we allow ourselves to suffer through things when every sign is telling us that this is just not working? So often we make the decision to stick it out, and make due with less than our expectations. What I have found is most of the time we are never rewarded for the compromise. We find the joy of the fresh start morph quickly into dissatisfaction and discontent. Then we find ourselves "stuck".

I'm here to give you the permission to un-stick yourself! Create an exit strategy to get yourself out of whatever you need to get out of. There is no reward for accepting misery. No one will stand beside you and pat you on the back for not quitting.

Let me put it another way...if you're at a job that you hate, in a relationship that is unfulfilling, whatever...how are you going to find the thing that gets you bounding out of bed in the morning or find someone that makes you feel completely heard and cared for if you're holding on to the thing that doesn't work? You can't move forward if you keep holding on to the past.

It's time to say WHEN!!! Free yourself so that you may accept the joy that is waiting for you.

R E S P E C T : The Joy of Self Respect

I was riding the bus to my job today and a young woman and an older woman got into it. Well, the young woman got on the bus, loudly talking on the phone about whatever was going on in her life that she was certain we all wanted to know about. The older woman was visibly disturbed by this obvious show of total disregard for other people. This set the young woman off in such a way that she proceeded to be verbally abusive and confrontational. Once the older woman reached her stop, the young woman still felt it necessary to continue to make her point by getting off of the bus, yelling more expletives before getting back on the bus and then saying..."pardon my language" to the other passengers. Are you kidding?!

At first, the only thing I was thinking was how rude this woman was and how bad it made her look. But, then the more I thought about it, the more I was wondering what makes people feel the need to behave this way? This is what I came up with...the older woman felt disrespected because the younger woman was behaving as though no one could hear her conversation or be bothered by it...the younger woman feels as though the older woman somehow thought that she was better than her, which made her feel disrespected. I was feeling disrespected by the younger woman because she was being loud and obnoxious to the woman and involving us all in the process. (And what's with the bus driver not saying anything throughout this entire altercation...chicken)

Then I started to think about it further. This entire exchange is the kind of thing that I witnessed all of the time in NYC. And I would, at another time, chalk it up to "bad breeding" and go back to my superior, well breed reading. I'm quite glad to be beyond that, I was getting too pretentious for myself!

So, I asked myself, why does this happen? Why does someone feel it necessary to yell and be so confrontational to someone else like this? The beginning of the story is the key, the young woman got on the bus already presenting behaviour that demonstrated what's really going on...

Self-respect, my favorite definition came from Dictionary.com (www.dictionary.com) and I quote: proper esteem or regard for the dignity of one's character...regard for the dignity of one's character...there was definitely nothing dignified about today. But, it's an interesting thing...when you "come out of your face" at someone, is it showing them disrespect or you?

When you do things to draw attention to yourself, even in a more negative way, you are demonstrating a need to be seen. Being seen, really seen by someone else means both parties have to be engaged. However, so often it seems that people don't feel as though they matter. They have a need to "feel" important so they exhibit self-important behaviour. "I don't care whether I'm disturbing you, my life, my phone conversation is more important than any of you".

It was when I came to this realization that I felt considerably less hostile toward this young woman and felt more like going up and giving her a hug. I wanted to say, this doesn't make you important, respected, love yourself, know that you are a beautiful person that has all that she needs to have true joy in her life. You do not have to diminish someone else in order to feel strong. The big show of "I know I'm better than you" (insert head rolling and teeth sucking here)...this is totally unnecessary. Live in your light young sister...it shines so much brighter and stands out so much louder than you could ever yell.

Each time that we loudly, obviously proclaim our "right" to respect, to be seen by those around us, we are actually showing what we think of ourselves. If instead we took the view: I respect myself, I respect you as another person and it is through that show of love of myself, that I cannot be made to feel disrespected.

One definition I found for self-respect mentioned self-esteem. This is a huge correlation. If you hold yourself in high regard, reducing your encounters with people to whomever can yell the loudest the longest wins, this will no longer work for you. To show someone respect, means to regard yourself with "dignity" and treat them as you would have them treat you. "I hold myself in too high regard to behave in a way that is less than loving".

I can say that the times that I am the most disappointed in myself is when I let myself be drawn into an altercation where I use mean, hurtful language. I'm very good at words. I also know how painful they can be when I want them to be. However, I may have hurt someone else with my words. But, later I feel awful by having said them. I the heat of a moment, I can think some decidedly less than loving things about people. However, I know that if I take the time, the moment will pass and I haven't said anything that I'll wish I hadn't later.

Back to the young woman...the other thing that I thought about was, what a lousy way to start your day. She got herself all worked up. You know that conversation on the phone went on for several minutes about what had just happened. That means her adrenaline was still high, she was still "irritated", she hadn't let it go. I need a peaceful beginning to my day or the rest of my day is edgy, crabby, jumpy, filled with friction. I'll bet that's how hers was. You know she probably re-told the story at least a couple more times. Each time reliving what happened and re-feeling those emotions.

It's time for us to show self-respect by not confronting people and demanding their respect, but by loving ourselves enough to know that we are not diminished by treating ourselves with dignity. And now I'm going to bring up that pesky "E" word again...it is our ego fooling us into believing that our needs, our desires, our life is somehow more important than someone else. We are equal. My phone conversation, my feelings, my life are no more or less important than anyone else's...it is this Universal Love that we must hold in our hearts for ourselves and others that will allow us to relinquish our need to demand respect. We are not made "less than" by treating someone "equal to" ourselves.

This one needs an assignment...this next week, each time you feel yourself reacting...feel yourself wanting to "prove your point", "prove your equality"...step back and examine what you're feeling. Are you hearing yourself? Are you truly loving yourself by wanting to criticize or minimize someone else? Chances are...no, you're not. Put yourself in their shoes, what are they feeling, how would you feel if someone was about to say what you want to say? What will saying this do for you...do to you?

And just for fun...I had to include Aretha...

Until next time...

Joyfully yours,

Robyn

Butterflies: The Joy of Transformation

I've been seeing a lot of butterflies lately. In animal symbolism, the butterfly is the symbol of transformation (http://www.whats-your-sign.com/butterfly-animal-symbolism.html). I love butterflies. I've been called a social butterfly. I accept any comparison to a butterfly I can get. They're so beautiful and they make my heart leap in my chest when they cross my path.

The butterfly is the perfect symbol for transformation. I don't think that there is another creature that goes through the metamorphosis that a butterfly does. Unlike most animals that just become a larger version of their younger selves, a butterfly is totally unrecognizable from its original form.

The definition for metamorphosis is: any complete change in appearance, character, circumstances. The definition for transformation is: change in form, appearance, nature, or character. They are the words that I have been using about myself and that people have been using about me for the last few months. They are two of the most descriptive words for the experience that I have been having. And at another time in my life, this much change would have been extraordinarily scary. Now, it's truly exciting.

This last year has been one of major transitions and transformations. Some have been so amazing that I'm still reeling from them. Some were my greatest fears realized and yet, I not only survived them but thrived because I was forced to face them. The thing that has been the most incredible is how this has effected me.

My physical appearance has changed. I have relaxed a lot of the rules I used to have about my image and I've never looked better. I lost close to 30 pounds just by giving myself permission to live in my joy. I have found myself less self-conscious than I can ever remember being previously. I am who I am, if you don't like it, oh well I'm not here to make you happy.

It wasn't until I accepted the changes in my life, released my need to control everything, accepted my gifts & truly allowed myself to just be me...that's when the joy could not longer be contained in my body and it began to change the way I looked. People began to take notice. Someone told me last night that I looked a lot like I did when we had first met more than six years ago...confident and bright. What's funny is...this is the first time my outside and my inside match. I have looked confident before but it was a total act. I didn't have confidence, I had bravado. I could put on a good show.

When I work with private clients, I tell them that the only way our time together will be beneficial is if they accept that their lives will be transformed at the end of the process. If they are not ready to accept that they will not be the same person after we're done, then they need to wait until they are. Otherwise I get the "yeah, but's"..."yeah but I've never done that before...yeah but I'm not that kind of person...yeah but why can't it just be like this"...you get the picture. If I'm getting the "yeah but's" it's a clear indication that they are wasting their money and our time, because they're not ready for change.

When we are going through transformation, we can approach it one of two ways. We can either open our arms wide, accepting the gifts that will come to us, or we can try to hold on desperately to the past, to the things that were. The former will allow your connection to joy more fully and easily. The latter will keep you stuck, because that refusal to accept the transformation is based on fear. And fear is the enemy of joy.

Change is inevitable. When you are open to that change is when true transformation can take place. When you accept that this is your life now. When you accept that new doors can't open until other ones are closed. When you stop living in fear and trying to control the outcome. Only then, will the metamorphosis be allowed to commence. When you allow yourself to go from caterpillar, with many legs, inching its way along, holding on tightly to the ground beneath...to butterfly, soaring above in all of its beauty and glory...that's when you will experience the joy of being you. Are you ready?

Until next time...

Joyfully yours,

Robyn

Music: The Joy of Your Life's Soundtrack

I'm sitting here in my friend's coffee shop (www.theredenver.com) As is the way that things go, we're talking politics and community. It's been a meandering conversation that I have enjoyed emmensely. One of the great parts of the conversation has been the music playing the whole time. It's been meandering through genres the same as our conversation. I've laughed in recognition, danced in my seat from a good beat and smiled at a memory invoked.

What I realized was that this is how I like to experience music, as part of my life. I went camping over the weekend and we played a lot of music. Some reminded me of breakups, some reminded me of college, some reminded me of old friends...each song reminded me of a different kind of joy.

These two experiences got me thinking. Music really does act like a soundtrack for your life. Although we don't live in a movie, our life still has a soundtrack. For me it's classical music when I have to drive in traffic (cuts down on road rage), jazz if I'm thinking my own thoughts, bossa nova if I'm feeling sexy and every so often, I gotta play some country to tap my toes to...you know what I mean.



When you're getting ready for work, if you listen to music, it's probably different than what you're listening to when you're getting ready to go out. The older you get, your taste has a tendency to change. You still like your old music, but you have a new appreciation for music you didn't listen to previously. You usually have more experience, colouring how you perceive music. And just like smells, music has very specific memories attached to it. Love songs seem to be the most meaningful...at least for me. So much can be said about your life based on the music you're listening to.

What a joyful way to live though! Living each day with music expressing how you're feeling, your thoughts...music with words can be incredibly expressive of how you feel. Songwriters can sometimes express your emotions so much better than you can. And it sounds so much more meaningful set to music! Hello...can we say mixtape?



As many of you know, I'm staying with my parents right now. They are both huge newshounds. So the televisions in the house are always on. I can go days without turning on the television, as long as I have the internet. So, I when I first got to the house, I couldn't figure out what was missing. Then I realized it was the music. I can go a week without tv, but, I cannot go without music for more than a few hours. I really miss it.

When I was recovering from a low emotional time it was music that carried me and reminded me of my joy. It was music that connected me back to myself. It was music that gave me the power to look past the hard parts. Sometimes, I would just play music that made it impossible for me not to dance. Pandora Radio was my best friend...it just kept me dancing until I reconnected to my joy. (pandora.com)

We sing in the shower. When I was a child I used to make up my own songs. To this day, I remember the preamble to the Constitution, how a bill becomes law and what a conjunction is because of School House Rock. Music is really the fabric of our lives (no offense to the cotton industry).

What's on your soundtrack? What music makes you smile? Turn off your tv and play some music...listen to what your joy sounds like.

Until next time...

Joyfully yours,

Robyn

Independence: The Joy of Standing Tall

I'm sure you can understand why I started thinking about this, our country just celebrated its independence this weekend. However, the big "AHA" happened sitting in church on Sunday thinking about the struggles that several of my friends have been going through. Too often we look to others to carry us through, just when it is vital for us to find our own way...to be independent.

To be independent means to be "self-governing"...I like that. When you self-govern it means that you and you alone are in control of your behavior and choices. It also means that you, and you alone, can be held accountable for those choices...

Independence is about standing strong on your own two feet. It is about a strength within oneself. It is about remembering that no one can give your light to you, it is yours to find. It is about knowing within yourself that you have the capacity to be all that your heart is called to be. It is about owning all of your parts. It is all about the person you feel deep within.

Living in your joy, when it comes from a place of love, lifts others up, carries you and the lives that you touch to a place filled with light. Joy cannot live in darkness. Your joy grows from love, light and your connection to the love of those around you. You cannot have true joy if you are creating darkness in another's life to get there. Nothing taken is yours for long.

Have you put your foot down and demanded your right to happiness, taking it while leaving others poorer in spirit? Yeah, me too. It wasn't until I realized that if I look back at my behavior, my choices and upon looking back I realized that my behavior was hurting others, then everything was false. It was a false feeling of happiness, a false sense of security, a false belief in what I "deserved". It was clear that my putting my foot down and taking happiness was not about strength and independence, but a selfish attitude of entitlement. It wasn't about growing my strength from within but taking it from someone else. If I am stronger by leaving someone else weaker, then I am standing on some very shaky, unstable ground.

I cannot have a joyful light shining within me if I've taken it from someone else. I cannot lift others up if I'm standing on them. I can only live in the joy of my independence if I can stand next to those around me, basking in our Universal connection to love. We must lift one another up by the strength of our lights glowing together.

I mean there's a word for someone that can't feel love & joy without someone else...co-dependent. That is the opposite of in-dependent...individually dependent...only dependent upon self. Why would you want to validate yourself based on whether someone else loves you? Circumstances are bound to change and if everything you know about yourself is based on someone else's opinion, you're going to be left empty and lonely. If you remember that regardless of what anyone thinks, you love you...you know that the impact that you consciously have in other people's lives is of a positive, love-filled place...you're good.

It's like the oath that doctor's have to take..."first do no harm". If you and what you want is the only thing that matters to you, then you and only you will be to blame when people no longer want you in their lives. When you live in joy, you feel fulfilled in a way that no other person could make you feel. Coupledom, friendships, companions for the journey are all blessings to have in our lives. But, only when we are independent of the NEED for someone else are we truly living in our joy. With independence and love for self, can we stand firmly on our own, knowing that we are love, have love & give love to all.

Stand with me today my friends and claim your independence. Tell yourself that being alone doesn't mean lonely. Remind yourself that the people (the many lights) in your life are standing beside you ready to shine brightly together. You are not alone in the darkness, your are standing strong in your independence...in your joy.

Until next time...

Joyfully yours,

Robyn

The Aha! The Joy of Clarity

I had a moment of such clarity this past Sunday morning that it brought me to tears. It was such a brilliant, clear thought that it completely altered the rest of my day and how I interacted with other people. I experienced such a sense of peace, I felt like I was glowing.

I have a genuine appreciation for moments like this. Usually they come on the end of a time of great contemplation, then you stop thinking and the clarity happens. It's just like when you're trying to remember something and then you stop thinking about it...miracle of miracles...you remember. This usually happens for me in the shower. It's a great place to let your mind wander, your daydreaming time (refer to "The Joy of Daydreaming)

I have had other times like these. Each time I am filled with gratitude for having experienced it. I tell the story to whomever will listen. I have conversations with people all of the time about revelations that they have had. They tell me wonderful stories of the things that have been revealed to them.

One of the beautiful things about hearing other people's moments of clarity is the look on their face. Their eyes sparkle and they have a brightness about them from the fire that was just ignited. The intensity of thought is gone, replaced by a sense of peace & serenity.

When we stay open to change, allowing the energy to ebb & flow as it will, clarity happens. When we let go of trying to control the process, we are blessed with new ideas, bright spots of understanding, a release of an old difficulty. The less we try to hold on to an idea, the easier it comes to you.

What a glorious feeling when you have this moment. It almost feels as though a weight on your brain has been lifted, a tightness in your chest (that you didn't even know was there) finally lets go & you can take a deep breath. It's a release from your center. You even stand taller. You find it easier to smile...

I have this glorious place that I put things on my heart. I call it my intention pocket. If there is something weighing on me...I write it down...tuck it into my pocket & let it go to the Universe. In the past, I have walked labyrinths, spent a great amount of time in prayer, journaled and then burned it. Release your hold on it...the joy of clarity is your gift.

I have an invitation for you instead of an assignment...I invite you to let go. What is weighing on your mind right now? Choose just one thing that you are finally ready to be done with, or a question that you are finally ready to receive the answer to. Remember you must be ready to let go of control...you must be willing to accept whatever answer comes to you. If you've been trying to control it and that hasn't been working...then allow yourself to give this a try. Write it down, put it in an envelope, seal it & let go...when the clarity comes, take a deep breath & smile!

Until next time...

Joyously yours,

Robyn

Peace: The Joy of Inner Stillness

I've been struggling to write these last few days. I've been having difficulty finding just the right words. And for anyone that knows me...that's a very unusual thing for me to admit. I'm always full of words. Sometimes I'm so full of words I journal up to four times in one day!

So, I sat and got very still this morning. What came to me after meditation is that I am at peace. I have lots of things going on right now, but who doesn't? I had a card reading the other day and it said that I would have a lot to juggle, but I would be able to handle it. This says to me that the lack of words isn't from not being able to think clearly. It is a disconnection from my stillness.

So, I got still. And after meditation, I got into this very blissful state and realized my peace. It has given me the ability to release fear in a way that I never thought possible. I was raised to be a well mannered woman. Part of being well mannered means to be considerate of other people's feelings. Sometimes when you're worried about other's perception of you, it can manifest into a need to be perfect. Now, we all know, intellectually, perfection is impossible. However, tell that to my psyche when I've been really honest with someone and I start to worry about their feelings. "Was that mean? Did they understand me? Am I being fair? Maybe I'm wrong... Are they going to tell people that I was mean? Will people believe them? How does my hair look?" (what, it's my psyche?!)

Inner stillness is not something I've been familiar with in the past. In the past, I have generally had a continuous conversation running in my head. I'm not hearing voices...the only voice I hear is my own. It's the voice of fear usually. It's the "what if" that gets me. Ego is a difficult thing to keep in check. And it is ego that keeps that running commentary in our head. It's ego that makes us doubt ourselves. It's ego inflating our fears beyond reason. It is ego that keeps us from our stillness.

I am not going to say that I live in stillness...I am not the Dalai Lama. However, I will say that I have let go of an enormous amount of fear about other people's opinions and it has allowed me to live more in peace. I was able to do this by realizing that other people's opinion of me and my intentions are just that, THEIR opinions. Remember that people generally filter their opinions through their own experiences. They project their own fears on to you. Don't let them!

You are filled with the light of the Divine! Your fear is keeping you from that stillness...the peace that sits within you. It is that stillness that helps stress take your peace. It is the stillness that allows you to have joy when life sends the challenges that are yours to face. Stillness shows on your face.

It is necessary to take time to connect to that stillness. I strive to meditate every morning. This is a gift I give to myself. I start my day this way so that no matter what I face the rest of the day, I will have a moment of peace at the beginning. At times this is the only quiet moment I have in my day and I am grateful. If meditation isn't something that you connect with, sit outside & have a cup of coffee or tea and breathe. Exercise may seem meditative, however, you cannot find stillness while in motion. Do whatever works for you, but by creating a time for this stillness you open the door to release your fear, bringing you ever closer to your peace.

Until next time...I remain

Joyfully yours,

Robyn

Birthday Wishes: The Joy of Celebrating You

I have a birthday coming up. I love birthdays! So often people lament about having a birthday..."I'm getting older..." What?! I say, what a blessing! The gift of being able to get older has been brought home to me very recently...2 young people that I was acquainted with had their lives cut short. When faced with this tragedy, you can either spend all of your time feeling sad or you can be grateful that you are getting more time here.

So, I will turn 44. I like it. I like double digits. And these two numbers added together are the infinite number 8. This is very uplifting for me! Eight is the number of inspiration, vision, perseverance, enormous success & leadership. How could that be bad? I have a great vision of carrying joy to the world...seems as though my year of 8 will be a good year to do it!

Another reason that I like birthdays so much is that they are like your very own holiday. Holidays are about celebrating, spending time with friends & family. When it's your birthday, everyone is celebrating YOU! How awesome is that?! Generally speaking, unless you're a twin, there is no other day in the year that people celebrate just you. The day you were born is just yours...in your circle, there are plenty of people that were also born on the same day. I have a friend that has the same birthday as I do. However, we never had to share our celebration. And I thought it gave us a special bond, because we shared the same date.

Not one day goes by that I am not grateful to wake up and face it. Not every day is a day of happiness, but everyday is a day of joy. When you accept the things in your life as just the things in your life, without letting them take your joy from having a life...that's when you really begin to understand the "Joy of Being You".

You are the only you this world has ever had. Even if there is someone that looks like you, there is still only one you. What a cause for celebration! I say, everyday is a great day to have joy in your existence...however, a birthday is the day everyone else stops celebrating themselves to celebrate you!

What puts a smile on your face? This year I'm camping...for people that have known me for many years, camping seems a little out of character. However, it is really about taking time to enjoy yourself, your friends & family, the gifts of the Universe...when you look at it that way, it is completely in character. My favorites words (other than joy) are hospitality & fellowship = camping...

This year, celebrate you. Enjoy having a birthday. If your birthday has passed...find another day to celebrate...make a day of it...do all of your favorite things, eat all of your favorite foods, spend time celebrating you! Each day is a gift, spend time unwrapping it...

Joyfully yours,

Robyn

Memorial Day: The Joy of Remembering

Today is Memorial Day. It is a day that we "memorialize" the men & women that served in our military and have left this earthly plane. However, it got me to thinking that we can memorialize anyone and anything. It's really just about taking time to remember them.

Now, I am not really one to talk a lot about war or military. I did try to talk my parents into letting me go to military school, but that was really because I thought the uniforms were cute. Girls got these super cute hats as part of their dress uniforms. My father laughed and told me no. I'm not very good with structure. To this day I wonder if going would have made me better or if I would have failed miserably and cried to come home in 3 months. We'll never know...

Growing up, I remember the parades that would take place for Memorial Day. People would decorate their homes with flags and festive bunting. These days it just seems as though it's a day off that extends the weekend and gives retailers another reason to have a sale.

The thing that keeps coming to me though is taking time to remember. It made me start to think of Memorial Day in an entirely different light. What if we begin a practice of remembering the people in your life that have helped you along the path. Remember old friends, family members, co-workers, anyone really that helped you learn a lesson about who you are. Did you spend a particularly meaningful summer with people doing something that helped you learn a powerful lesson?

Unlike the parameters of the national holiday, this is really about you (isn't it always?). Sometimes it's only when we look back and remember how far we've come and who has helped us along the way, that's when we realize the joy of what our life is now. It helps us live in the joy of the now, remembering what was and being grateful for the journey.

The thing is, this isn't just about all of the happy, "wonderful" memories of people. This can also be past relationships that may not have been the healthiest or the happiest. But, they did teach you more about yourself, more about what you need out of a relationship, helped you stop from making the choice the next time you met someone that wouldn't be the best fit for you. I found sides of myself that I never knew existed until I was faced with choices that required me to step into roles I couldn't have foreseen. Although the circumstances are not always ideal, the lessons we learn and the people we become because of it are a true gift of a life well lived.

My call to you today is to take time during the bar-be-cuing and snowboarding (my Colorado peeps), margaritas and sangria (yummy)...take time to remember the many people that have helped get you to this joyful place on your path today. Remember that they are part of the fabric of your life, your path would be barren and ordinary without them. And maybe you'll light a candle, say a quick prayer of thanksgiving or give them a long overdue call, in remembrance of who they have been in your life.

I remain...joyfully yours,

Robyn

The Shift: The Joy of Changing Directions

...Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
Robert Frost

Often, the true blessings are found along the meandering path.

I love change! At times it can be a challenge, particularly when the change is totally unexpected and not something I would have chosen. However, the only thing that is constant in life is change.

I have been accused in the past of being a little flaky and unable to stick with things. I am usually accused of this by people who refuse to change, even when they are faced with the fact that the path they are on is not leading where they had hoped.

Patience is necessary. There are times, in my past, when I have not had a lot of patience to wait for the outcome that I desire. That's purely ego (hello again). Only ego makes someone believe that their schedule should be everyone else's schedule. The old, "my way or the highway" really only works if you've got everything that you need & have no need for friends or family. Otherwise, compromise is necessary...in other words...change.

As you probably know by now, I will be moving in a couple of months. When I first conceived of this move, last year, there were a great deal of unknowns. One of the biggest was something I could never have foreseen. So, I've had to alter my plan several times. The reality is however, I know that the move will still happen...when it's going to happen. I cannot force it. I cannot bend circumstances to my will. Either I change or abandon the entire plan.

This is something that we all must face at some time. So often we have something we want and when circumstances prevent us from having it WHEN we want to, that's when we throw in the towel and give up. However, so often it is really our unwillingness to change direction, slow our pace, that is what prevents us from our desires being fulfilled. We know, deep within, when something just feels right. However, we can't wait it out. We want it now or we don't want it at all (yep, ego again). Since when is what YOU want the only thing that matters to everyone else? You, and I have to break this to you, are NOT the center of the Universe. You are the center of your own universe. But, we do not all orbit you, move to your will, do as you tell us.

It is vital to remember that we will always have things that come up in our life that were unforeseen. We can't always know what's coming and what effect it will have on our plans, our life. We must just stay vigilant about staying true to ourselves, staying true to our vision, staying true to our joy.

There is no assignment for this one. You know what's going on in your life. So, it's more of an encouragement. What do you want in your life that has just seemed to escape you? The really important things. This is where you need to have patience, have a willingness to change. Your joy is at hand, you will achieve great amounts of joy in your life.

Until next time...joyfully yours,

Robyn

Karma: The Joy of the Boomerang Effect

Recently, I conducted a talk on Karma for the Humanities Club at the Community College of Denver. I found this talk incredibly stimulating! Speaking to college groups is usually invigorating because they are on fire with thought. They are fully engaged in the exchange of ideas and opinions.

So, the question I posed to the group for discussion was: Is all of the strife happening in the world some sort of karmic retribution for society raping the land and failing to take care of the people?

I knew that it was somewhat of a trick question...karma isn't vengeful, it's about energy. (Image below ~ A "Boomerang" Nebula)

Karma: without having an extensive theological discussion between Hinduism and Buddhism, the general consensus would attribute karma as thus ~ a cause and effect act of energy distribution. What you put out into the Universe is what comes back to you...a boomerang effect.

People like to use the idea of karma as a way of warning you against doing things that you don't want to come back on you. "Watch out, karma's a biotch!" Or my favorite, the tip jar at the local shop offering you the idea that tipping them is like putting "good" karma into your karmic well. Now, although that's kind of what karma is about, it's only part of the story.

In our discussion, we spent a great deal of time talking about food. I loved this! It is a perfect example of you get out of it what you put into it.

When you're speaking of karma from a "joy perspective", it is part and parcel of the same thing...you get out of it, what you put into it. If you live in joy, your joy will come back to you over & over again.

Have you ever known someone that spends a large portion of their time complaining about all of the things that they aren't getting, that they are lacking in their life, about the breaks that no one is giving them? At times, you may even find it hard to be around them because their energy starts to bring yours down. Or, conversely, have you known someone that is always up. No matter what's going on in their life, they always seem to live in a joyful place. And you notice, that even if things may not always go their way, they always seem to bounce back. In fact, when they do it is stronger and more joyful than before...with a good story...

You get out of it, what you put into it...if we are trying to live as conscious beings of love, light, joy and abundance, we cannot let circumstances dictate HOW we are going to be in the world. The energy that we put out is the energy that comes back to us. I know that sometimes it seems to take quite some time for the good stuff to flow back towards you. However, consider this...if you push out a lot of great, joyful energy, continually pushing it out, just imagine what it will be like when it does start the return cycle. You will be bombarded with a continual flow of great energy coming back. The more you push out, the more that comes back to you.

I am not suggesting that the only reason we do "nice" or "good" things is so that we get something in return. I am saying, live in the joy, live in the light, live in the love, your life will be like a revolving door of all of this going out and coming back. You will leave no room for darkness or doubt if you fill your life with these thoughts. People will want to be around you because you fill their lives with optimism and light. You become a source of joy for them and yourself.

Your assignment this week is simple...live in joy. No matter what seems to be happening "to you" (hello EGO) live in the joy. Remind your self that you are putting new, joyful energy into the Universe. Put out the energy that you want to surround yourself with. First it will just be you, but quickly you will notice others bringing it to you.

Until next time...sending you universes of joy,

Robyn

Vacation: The Joy of Leaving Life Behind

I am coming to the end of a long awaited vacation. It's been somewhat of a working vacation. I'm preparing for a move & this has been serving as a test trip. I need to be sure that my new hometown would welcome a resident "Goddess of Joy" to conduct local workshops. I am happy to report that I have been welcomed with open arms!

There's an old joke: A guy goes on vacation and leaves his cat with his brother. The first night he calls his brother to check on the cat. Bro #1: "How's Boots?" Bro #2: "The cat died." Bro #1 "What?! I can't believe you told me like that!" Bro #2: "What do you mean?" Bro #1: "You should have broken it to me more gently. The first day you say the cat's on the roof and you can't get it down and so on. So, by day three or four you break the news that the cat died." Bro #2: "I'm sorry" Bro #1: "That's okay. How's Mom?" Bro #2: "She's on the roof and we can't get her down."

Social media has made it so that within minutes of things happening, we can already know. I'm not really sure that this is a good thing. If something really disturbing has happened, something that you can't do anything about...would you really want to know while you're on vacation? The point of vacation is to get away from the day-to-day things in your life. It's supposed to be somewhere else that has nothing to do with the everyday. If you know about these things before you get back, you could end up ruining the rest of your time worrying about the things that you can't do anything about.

A vacation is like sleep for your psyche. When you sleep, your body has time to repair all of the things that you've done to it all day. Your body is able to make repairs, replenish, prepare for the next day. Vacation is like that, but for your psyche. You take time out from your "real life". You go to places you've never been or don't get to visit often. You eat out more, even if you're staying in a vacation home or with friends. You probably won't do laundry. You smile more and just look for ways to enjoy yourself.

I, of course, am of the mind that treating yourself to a "vacation Tuesday" is best(more on this later). However, a less frequent option is usually what we can hope for. This is my first vacation in almost 4 years.

I have to say I felt very resentful not being able to take one in the last 4 years. Just the act of getting on the plane, on my way to my own adventure had me decompressing. I sat where I don't like to sit on the plane. The guy next to me engaged in conversation when I was just going to listen to music. I had considerably less money to spend than I originally intended. I didn't have any indication that the tentative plans I had were going to pan out. But, I had such a sense of peace & excitement simultaneously that none of it mattered. I was on vacation! Woot! Woot!

If you are one of those people that likes to plan every detail on your vacation, I'm going to invite you to stop. I say, definitely come up with some ideas of what you would like to do. However, vacation is an opportunity to break away from your everyday activity, one of which is over-scheduling every moment of your life. As someone that has done a good deal of traveling for both business & pleasure, when I let go of the need to control every minute of my time and just enjoy, I felt free! I didn't get to do many of the things that I had come up with. Some was weather, some was changing to do things with my hosts and some was just not feeling like jumping up and running around. It was very freeing to just give myself the extra lounging time.

As I said, I'll be moving here. So it was easy to just say I can do it when I move back. But, what was really going on was my desire to just luxuriate in the bliss of not having any "have to's". There was nothing I had to do. Nothing pressing on my time, it was all within my control.

Back to "Vacation Tuesdays"...when I was a kid, sometimes my family would just get in the car and go stay in a hotel. A couple of times, it was just up the road from our house. I invite you to try something like this. Choose a day a couple of months out, make a hotel reservation and save for it. Chances are you can find a pretty reasonable place since it's close to your house. If you don't have much more than the money for the room, pack food from home & treat yourself to breakfast, usually the cheapest meal. Lie by the pool, go for a walk, take a nap...tell people you'll be out of town for the weekend so they won't be tempted to bother you with garbage. Tell a couple of people where you are in case of an emergency, but inform them it really must be something that can't wait 48 hours.

You'll feel renewed, rejuvenated and relaxed. Just what a vacation is supposed to do...don't wait 4 years.

Until next time...joyfully yours,

Robyn

Mother's Day: A Joyful Celebration of Love

Mother's Day is on Sunday. When I decided to do this article, I looked up the history of Mother's Day. I found one post that discussed the spiritual celebrations of the symbols of motherhood, reaching back to the Egyptian goddess Isis, the Roman goddess Cybele, the Greek goddess Rhea, and early Christian celebrations for "Mother Church". Moving through the ages from the early 1600's right up to the declaration by Woodrow Wilson in 1914.

Mothers Day History ~ The Complete History of Mother's Day

The other part of this article that I found the most interesting was the reaction of Anna M. Jarvis, the Mother's Day champion, had after it became a national holiday. She was absolutely opposed to the commercialization of the holiday. It had started as a spiritual holiday, originating in the church. She was appalled at what the floral industry had done to it.

I can't say that I blame her. The point of the holiday is really about saying thank you. I have always been a big fan of Mother's Day. I have been blessed with one of the most amazing mothers ever! I have always known that I am loved and truly supported, regardless. It has given me the freedom to live my life without fear, relishing the love and light.

I'm writing this blog from the hospital where my mother is having surgery. I've been wracked with fear all week. I know for a fact that she is going to be fine. I know that she is held in the love & light of many people and her connection to the Divine Light is strong. My issue isn't knowing that she is already healed, it's remembering it.

The fear comes from the deep love that I have for her. It is ironic that she is having this surgery today, just before Mother's Day. As if I needed a reminder, this is a big one about how precious she is to me and anyone that knows her. That's really what Mother's Day is about. It is a reminder to feel grateful to the person(s) that mothered you.

I say the person that "mothered" you because it is not necessarily your "birth" mother. There are many people that mother you that are not your birth mother. It is about the nurturing love that feels like a "mother's love". There are many people that can provide this, they don't even have to be a woman. It is a kindness of spirit. It is that gentle touch on your brow when you're sick. It is that soothing voice when you need to hear it. It is a Band-aid commercial.

It is with a great deal of joy that I write this today. This "mother" love is something that everyone needs. It is the love that lifts your spirits and carries you through when you lose faith or confidence. It is the love that makes you feel safe, secure and whole.

My challenge to you today is to celebrate every "mother" that you have had. This is particularly important to those of us that no longer have a relationship with their mother, for whatever reason. A day like Mother's Day can be difficult for someone that has lost their mother, or has lost her to pain, strife and estrangement. Everyone has felt that "mother's love" from someone. Find a way to thank them. Find a way to show your gratitude. It doesn't have to cost you anything. It doesn't have to come in a vase and smell like roses. A smile, a hug and a heartfelt "thank you" is all that's required to show someone that you appreciate all that they've done for you in your life.

If you want to go the extra mile...try visiting a nursing home and wishing someone there a "Happy Mother's Day". Life can take people far from their mothers and there's always someone that won't have a visitor, they would really appreciate a smiling face.

Be well my friends...

Joyfully yours,

Robyn

Shake Your Groove Thing: The Joy of Dancing

I love to dance! I love to dance to most anything! This weekend I danced to salsa, electronica & funk. Each experience put a smile on my face...each experience brought me it's own kind of joy.

When I went salsa dancing, it was really brought home to me how much joy people get from dancing. Everyone wasn't a stellar dancer, but each person was really enjoying themselves. They were listening to music that they couldn't just experience with their ears, they had to participate by moving their bodies.

This is how most people experience music the most completely. When a song hits just the right nerve, people can't help but move. Sometimes it starts with their head, or they start tapping their toes, but they can't seem to help moving.

Lord Byron said...“On with the dance! Let joy be unconfined”

This is completely accurate. When people dance it is the greatest expression of joy. They begin moving and then they begin smiling & then they can't help it...the laughter just bubbles up from inside. The joy overtakes them...it's simply unavoidable.

The best part is it doesn't matter whether you're a "good" dancer. Some of the greatest expressions of the joy of dancing I have witnessed are from people that were most certainly not the most skilled dancers. But, I enjoyed them just as much because they were so filled with their joy that it radiated from them.

When I finally accepted my calling to bring joy, the thing that I found myself doing everyday was dancing. I danced in my living room, I danced at the busstop, I danced at the coffee shop (full of people). I was so filled with my joy that I couldn't keep from dancing. Plenty of people laughed at me...however, I found that by me dancing my joy...people would smile at me & I smiled right back! A delicious little exchange of joy!

So, my friends, I invite you to dance. Wherever it feels good to you...let yourself go. Dance just for the joy of dancing. Dance in your car, dance in your bathroom, dance in your living room, dance whenever the spirit moves you. Dance as if no one's watching you.

Dancing on out...until next time...joyfully yours,

Robyn

Royal Wedding: The Joy Top 5 of Someone Else's Joy

I don't know if you watched it, but unless you live without contact with the outside world (how are you reading the blog?)...you know that Prince William married his long time girlfriend Katherine Middleton today in London's Westminster Abbey.

I, like the other 2 BILLION people around the globe, was up watching every royal minute of it. I said to a friend, I did it for his mother, Princess Diana, I had to do it for him.

I cried and smiled and truly enjoyed myself. And just like 30 years ago, I was the only one in my house that was up watching it. I soaked up every minute of the hats, the horses, the carriages, the church, the very "British-ness" of it all.

Now I would not consider myself that much of a voyeur, or even all that interested on a regular day in what happens in the life of the Royals. However, occasions like this had me up all night &, if I had been invited, I would have worn a hat & gone to a wedding watching party. So, it got me thinking why do we take so much pleasure in watching someone else's joy?

These are the top 5 reasons I can come up with:

1. It's a nice escape. Although, the last royal wedding to really capture the world was that of Prince William's parents, the coverage was decidedly more about the feel good stuff & hardly at all about the tragic death of Princess Diana. People would much rather remember her young, 20 year old shyness. We all know the tragedy, pain, suffering and strife that is happening in our country and across the world. But, for a day, maybe two we can just watch happiness.

2. We love a good show. Except for a very few people, this was decidedly foreign to most people's experience. No matter how amazing the White House is...it can't hold a candle to Buckingham Palace. When our calvary get in their dress uniforms,they look really sharp. However, they're not covered in real gold braid, with all emblems hand-sewn, wearing chrome breastplates, brilliantly shiny helmets with feathers and such. As understated as the British are generally, they're very good at pageantry.

3. Joy is contagious. Even someone else's joy, a pleasure to watch, period. There are all kinds of shows on television about having babies, weddings and such. Just as my friend's son reminded me, smiles are contagious. Funny thing is, we don't even have to be in the same room. How often have you found yourself smiling at the television, alone? Or on the phone with someone that you can tell is smiling, and before you know it, you're smiling too.

4. Public joy can be shared. Just like the inauguration people were comrades-in-arms over being at a once-in-a-lifetime event. They bought any number of things with the British flag, waving it, British or not, they camped out and shared champagne. They danced in the streets. They sat in a park, in the chilly London weather to watch a giant screen. And each time someone was asked why, they all said, "I just had to be here. How often does this happen? It's history". Today all over my facebook page, friends shared opinions about the wedding. I got to the coffee shop and people were asking if others had watched it. It brings people together in a makeshift community.

5. People love a good story. Katherine Middleton, a "commoner" has become Her Royal Highness Princess Katherine, Duchess of Cambridge. That's just super cool. Her great-great grandfather was a coal miner. And now she's royal! Regardless of how stratospheric that world seems, it was brought a little bit closer by this lovely couple and her non-royal beginnings. It's Cinderella, Snow White, name a poor-girl-becomes-a-princess story.

So, for the weekend indulge yourself with a little royal watching. Enjoy the smiles on the faces you'll see. Engage in conversation with a stranger if you overhear them mention the wedding...they won't think twice about talking about it. And I'll bet biscuits to bouillon that you'll find yourself smiling at the joy of the moment that you'll share.

Until next time...joyfully yours,

Robyn

Change Part Two: The Joy of a New Perspective

I've been trying to write this blog for several weeks. Each time I start, something interrupts and I never complete it. I don't fight it when this happens, I just figure it's not time to write it yet and move on.

In the last post on change, I spoke about a woman that had marveled at how much I've changed over the last year. I have had two more experiences similar to that in the last week. Neither person had seen me in almost a year and each couldn't believe how different I seemed. One said that I seemed so peaceful and the other wanted to know how I had let go of the fear (that's another discussion for another day).

I find it remarkable how people can see on your face when your life has changed. Fortunately for me, my life has gotten exponentially better over the last year. This is not always the case. However, even when the change doesn't feel that great, it is still a joyful occurence.

But, how can that be you may ask? Since the only constant in life is change, the sooner we accept the joy of change the easier it will be to live with it. Change is neither good or bad, it just is. How you react to the change is where the difference lies.

What has been revealed to me, as of late, is this incredible light that shines within me. Everyone has it, to some it is a much dimmer, distance light, for others it is like a beacon shining directly out of their face. I'd like to think that my light is growing brighter and that is why people are marveling at the change in my appearance.

I have spent the last several months letting go of a lot of preconceived notions about myself and my life. I have opened myself up to the possibilities of life and people keep bringing me new options. "Have you considered doing this or that?" When at least 3 people say the same thing, I start to think something might be there to explore. You know that you're following the right path when people begin trying to shine a light on your path for you.

The biggest change that I have been conscious about is not deluding myself any longer about having control. I know that I can only control myself, no one else, no situation, nothing other than me. My ego interferes, not as much as it used to. But, I am human, I have just begun to seek true enlightenment, so cut me some slack.

The thing that releasing the idea of control has done is allow me to change direction pretty quickly. I have a clear understanding that people won't just do what I want them to do. Nature will not just behave the way I want it to. And no one seems to just give me what I want because I have a nice face. So, if a situation doesn't go as planned, then I have to change the plan.

This has also allowed me to let go of a lot of fear. If I can't control what's going to happen, only how I react to it. Then being fearful of what may or may not happen is pointless. It either is or isn't going to happen. And if it does...then I have to figure out what I'm going to do now.

So, let's raise our glasses...to change, releasing fear and the joy of what's to come!

Let's do an affirmation to change...I welcome change for the new things that it will bring...or, I release my fear of change with a grateful heart I am open to a new perspective...or, I am strong in the knowledge that whatever change comes, I am ready to receive it.

It's your affirmation, you write it. Remember it has to be written in the affirmative...there must be positive language, there must not be any language about what you don't want to happen or I hope that this will happen. Write it down and then try saying it every day for at least a week. You may be pleasantly surprised at the spiritual fortitude you feel as a result.

Until nextime...

I remain, joyfully yours,

Robyn

Building Muscles: The Joy of Pain

Regardless of what the title may have lead you to believe, this is not about working out...well not exactly.

The other night I'm on the phone with a friend of mine and we're talking about changes that have happened in our lives. And we get on the subject of pain. I said to her that pain was necessary without it we'd have no growth. Then I threw out this analogy:

When you lift weights to build muscle, the actual building of the muscle doesn't happen until you're recovering from the damage that the weight lifting does. When you lift weights, you put tiny tears in your muscles. During rest, while your body repairs all of the damage from the day, your muscles become slightly bigger to bridge the tears that you've put in them.

When you suffer some sort of emotional turmoil. You don't grow while you're feeling the pain of it. You don't grow stronger until afterwards, when you have to recover from this pain. You have to repair your heart to recover from the pain, and in so doing you become stronger than before.

Each kind of pain has it's own kind of recovery. Loss of a job has a different recovery process than loss of a friend or family member, a break up after 6 months is considerably different than a break-up after 5 years. However, the process is more than likely the same, the duration of your recovery could be very different.

But how, you may ask, could any of these losses be considered joyful?

I'm glad you asked! If we went through life and never suffered any loss, no emotional turmoil, no pain at all...how would we know what joy felt like? If you have nothing to compare it to, then joy is just the status quo. Although it can be extraordinarily painful at times, a life without contrast wouldn't be extraordinary at all, it would be decidedly ordinary, mundane, flat, life...less.

Although I believe that we must feel some pain to some degree, I am the last person that wants to wallow in it. I have known some incredible wallowers in my time. I admire their ability to milk every misery out of a situation. I am no good at it. I am looking for a way to move out of misery as quickly as possible.

The quickest way is to figure out what you feel, then why you feel it. If you cannot change the outcome to something more favorable, why would you continue to relive it over and over again? As grateful as I am for pain and what it can teach me, I am also glad to get back to my joy. So, I do everything I can to work through it to start feeling joyful again.

Yes, I understand that the depths of the pain will dictate, to some degree, how long it will take to recover. But, I also understand that part of that recovery begins the day that you are looking toward feeling better and away from how awful you feel. Looking toward the joy helps you find it sooner.

So, let's do an experiment. I want you to look back at a time when you felt some degree of pain. This is not about revisiting that pain. This is about approaching your recovery from it. This example painful time, how long did it take you to recover from it? What steps did you take to move forward with your life? How long did it take before you got to the point of moving forward? How long afterwards was it before you remember actually feeling joyful again (without any artificial substance assistance)? Are you pleased with your answers? How could you have approached your recovery differently?

The thing to remember is that you will not have a life free from pain. The sooner you are ready to rest and recover from it, the sooner you can get to rebuilding and becoming stronger. It's time to flex those joy muscles and put the weights you've been carrying down. Give yourself time to rest and the next time you have to carry the weight of the world on your sholders it won't seem nearly as heavy.

Until next time friends...

Joyfully yours,

Robyn

Parking Spaces: The Joy of Your Own Lot

I had a customer, at a former job that owned a parking lot. He said that it wasn't sexy, but it made money. On more than one occasion I have had a reserved parking space. It was a nice perk from my job, especially when I lived in New York City...parking nightmare of the highest order. But, the other day I was feeling a little run-down and sluggish. My energy was low, an unusual occurrence for me.

I realized that I had been keeping space in my internal parking lot, reserved for other people. When they wanted to pop in and pop out of my life, I had energy/a space, reserved just for them.

Two things came to me immediately ~ 1. I had this space reserved for them, but they didn't do the same for me. I was 3rd or even 4th in line for that spot...and 2. It worked out great for them when they needed help, but it didn't leave much room for me.

Do you find yourself doing this? Are there certain people in your life that have a parking pass and they use it whenever they feel like it? However, if you look to them to reserve some space for you, you get the "Full Lot" sign.

When I started thinking about how many people I do this for, it really made me angry. "How could they treat ME like this?! (That pesky Ego is relentless). Then I got angry with myself ~ How could I let them treat me like this?! And I got a little belligerent..."Fine, you're going to have to make it up to me now (Um, Ego, could you take a coffee break or something?)

Then the "AHA" came. What if I have a giant lot and each space is reserved for me? Then no matter how much space I need, it's available? Let me quickly say...I am not shutting myself off. If someone needs space, I am willing to let them use some. I will not be cajoled into giving up what I need for them. It must be given freely and I must come to the understanding that this is something that I can "uniquely" help you with. I must feel joy in giving this space to you. I cannot feel sad, mad, tortured &/or terrible.

Although we're talking about parking spaces, the only real analogy that I could find for how liberating it felt to give myself this permission, was a line from Home Alone:

~My very own cheezy pizza!~

I felt liberated from my own dark, small, back corner space, free to park wherever I chose. No more giving up my time, energy, my "space" to someone else. At least not when I need to nurture myself, support myself, uplift myself, valet park.

So, here's the assignment: Make a list, mental or put pen to paper. On this list are all of the people you have put ahead of you. People who are not reserving a space in their lot for you. People that may be not even using their space, but you're leaving it open "just in case" they need it/you.

Once you've got this list ~ cross each name off and write in big letters...M...E... It is important to remember that in order to have the energy to give to others you must first give to yourself. You must give yourself the permission to put yourself first, save your spaces for feeling the joy of what you need. When you give yourself what you need, when the time is right, you will have the space you need to give to others.

Once you begin to feel the Joy of Being You, the space will open wide within you and the gates will be thrown open to welcome anyone the you joyfully receive.

Until next time...

Joyfully yours,

Robyn

Renewal: The Joy of Sunday

I love Sunday!  In my family, for a very long time it has been the day of rest & unplugging.  When I was growing up, my mother, sister and I would go to a movie or spend hours wandering around our favorite second-hand bookstore (shout out to Black & Read Books, Arvada, CO)

Flash forward a few years, after church, my ex and I would meet friends for brunch, sit in the park with a picnic or just sit on the couch and read the paper.  It's the day of Jazz in the Park, in the summer.  As some of my friends have been known to say...Sunday, Funday!

The reason I have always relished Sunday is because I take it as a day for renewal.  It is the day I do not work.  As a writer, I get ideas all of the time.  As a workshop leader, I am always reading & as a student of life I'm continually inspired by life/people around me.  So, the "no work on Sunday" rule, is not always easy to follow.  Sometimes I am practically sitting on my hands.  I have taken to having a plethora of "fun fiction" (mostly mysteries) at the ready so I have something to read that is not about spirituality, personal growth, psychology, prosperity or abundance.  It can get really hard if I'm particularly excited about a new find from the library.  I am currently working my way through no less than 18 books (good thing the library lets you take out like 10 a day).  I am exceedingly grateful for my library card and the close proximity of the college library. 

So, Sunday's rule is only pleasure reading.  No writing, except in my journal or, even better, I'll write a letter ~ no Twitter, no emails, no facebook (unless it's an emergency).  It is vital to find ways to re-connect, rejuvenate, renew myself, my psyche and my soul.

Now, this can all be done on any day.  It doesn't have to be Sunday.  I have found it difficult to tune out the world on a Tuesday, however.  It can be done if you are determined to take time for yourself.  Do you take this time?  If it can't be an entire day, you still need to take at least some time.  There are many reasons why this is necessary ~ mine is all about the joy!

The joy of spending time with loved ones.  The joy of laughter with friends.  The joy of soul peace.  The joy of being you, just you, not your roles.  The powerful joy that you feel when you find that connection to your inner light.  The list of the joys you find could go on for days.  The joy of sleeping in...ahh, that's a nice one if you usually get up early.  The joy of a donut...Sunday is donut day in my house.  My mother used to get up early on Sunday and go gets donuts while they were still fresh and well stocked. 

Maroon 5 has a song that I thought always described exactly how I feel about Sunday.  Here it is:

Drivin slow on Sunday Mornin...and I never want to leave.  That's it.  It cracks me up that people are singing karaoke in this...I don't sing karaoke.  I get too nervous and sound awful.  But, I did sing this once, for a special friend, because I love it  and them so much.

Find a way to take some time out...slow down and help your body renew.  It may be after a night out of too much "fun".  It's vital to find your center...find that smile playing across your lips without really knowing where it came from.  It's that feeling that comes when you start drivin slow...

Joyfully yours,

Robyn

Inner Strength: The Joy of Going Home

As it states in my "About Me" blurb, I'm almost 44 years old.  I have lived on my own, for the most part, more than half of my life now.  I am currently going through a major transition in my life.  There are an incredible amount of changes, some expected, some completely unexpected.  As you know, I am really good with change.  I welcome change.  We can only discover new parts of ourselves when we encounter change.

So, in preparation for a major move, I decided to move back into my parents' home.  It was practical from a financial standpoint.  Plus, I am currently without any obligations other than to myself.  My parents were glad because they like it when I'm "home".  My father told me he was glad I was there for a while, but knew I wasn't staying.

It's been pretty cool for the most part.  I have a pretty good relationship with my parents.  My father doesn't say much, but we all laugh a good deal when we're hanging out at home.  It was an adjustment.  We have a tendency to fall back into old patterns of behavior when we're around our families.  No matter how strong and independent I imagine myself to be...I find myself 16 all over again, at least part of the time.

Something unexpected has begun emerging from being back with my parents.  I'm growing up all over again!  This time I am discovering who I am, not who I think my parents want me to be.  I also seem to be inspiring different behavior in them.  We are learning how to be three adults in a house together.  We are learning how to communicate as adults with one another.  I find them relying on my strength more.

The thing is, I would never have the strength that I have today without the strength I received from them in the past.  I reached out to someone the other day asking them to lend me some of their strength.  The reply I got from them was "you're strong enough".  At first I was put off by it...why aren't you more concerned about me (hello ego, nice to see you again).  Then I realized they were right.  I have a great deal of strength within me.  I am rooted in the strength that is my birthright.  My parents made sure that I knew that they always believed in me.  Whatever I needed was always available, even when it was just a hand to rub my hair and soothe my soul.

And now, when faced with the challenges that life inevitably throws at you I can reach within me and connect to that strength.  

You have it too my friends.  At times you have no idea where it comes from.  You hear stories of people overcoming great obstacles & hardships, listening in wonder, you can't believe they didn't just break down.  However, in reality, you have that same strength within you.  It is always  at the ready when you need to draw from it.  I have had to draw on it in different degrees throughout my life.  However, it is now, when so many things are changing at once, that I realize that this strength was given to me a long time ago.  And I am grateful everyday for it.

Time for your assignment...think back to times when you have been challenged...had to overcome a great obstacle...had to push through the pain & fear...where did you find the strength to do it?  You'll say...I don't know, I just had to do it...exactly!  It's right there, lying within, waiting for you to need it.  Without needing to dig down deep to find it, your strength was at the ready at exactly the moment that you needed it.  Remember that the next time you think you don't have the strength....of course you do...you're strong enough...what a joyful discovery!

Joyfully yours,

Robyn

The Joy of Slowing Down

As some of you may know, I lived in New York City for almost 17 years.  It was amazing!  It was everything that you hear times 100!

I worked in a very fast-paced industry in a very fast-paced city.  It was go, go, go, do, do, do all of the time. I loved it!  Then, something moved in me and I needed a change.  At the time, I had no idea what had moved, so I had no idea what change I needed.  I tried a move to New England...still the East, pace is slower, minds are still moving at the speed of light!

It wasn't until this past Fall that I finally realized what I really needed.  I needed to slow down.  No matter where I moved, I would still be there trying to make things happen before it was really time.  Although patience is part of it, it's not the whole story. 

I completed my book in mid-January, or so I thought.  I dutifully edited it.  Then I gave it to two other people for further edits and revisions.  I started meeting people, telling them about the book.  I researched publishers, spoke to literary agents...all of the things that are part of the publishing process.  And yet, nothing was happening.

So, in February, on Groundhog Day, my friends and I planted our "Seeds of Intention". They were freesia bulbs intended to represent what we wanted to "grow" for the coming spring.  Mine started very slowly growing...it was making me a little nervous, but it's nature and you can't rush nature.  So, I waited and kept doing my thing.  I posted blogs, started "tweeting", started planning my Joy Workshops.  It began sprouting.  In fact, it really started growing.  I spoke to her everyday.  Thanking her for her growth encouraging her in her journey toward the sun.

My first workshop happened...it was awesome!  I started blogging more, I got more followers on twitter, more fans on my facebook fan page...and one day I noticed buds!  How exciting!  Things are moving right along.  And then I'm sitting in church and the sermon is on patience.  It came just at the time I needed to hear it.  I was getting a little impatient about why my book wasn't getting any closer to being published.  Then 3 days later...I realize that I have left 2 very important things out of the book and I have to go back to add them.  So, the patience message got through to me loud and clear.

Part of the reason I left NYC was to take things at a slower pace.  I really wanted to find my "flow" again, but just not in the rushing Hudson River.  After a few days of turbulence it finally came to me...the reason I was having trouble with my flow was because I was trying to speed the river up instead of slowing my "flow" down. 

In the last week or so, I've been working on slowing MY flow...look at this...

Yes my seed of intention is beginning to bloom. 

It is important to remember my friends, life comes at it's own pace.  You must listen to your rhythms.  You must stay focused on your center, your light, your purpose.  When you keep your focus there, your "flow" will begin, well flowing.  You can't rush yourself.  You can't skip ahead.  It is our jobs to stay connected to who we are...the Universe knows just where you're going.

So, let's take a deep breath together....breathe iiiiiiinnnnn.......and oooouuuutttt....keep doing this.  You'll begin to feel it, maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow...but at just the right moment, the energy will begin to flow.

Joyfully yours,

Robyn

The Joy of Resilience

So, this week I've encountered many stories of people "bouncing back" from trauma, tragedy & just everyday challenges.  What occurred to me is that when someone expresses to you what has happened to them, often they will tell you the story as more of a "tale of survival".  It's as though they need to prove to both themselves and you that they have made it or will make it through.

I love this about the human spirit! When a tragedy strikes, although there will be a report of the casualties, the story that people like to concentrate on is how many survivors there are.  When someone tells me a sorrowful tale, the first thing that I want to do is find the "silver lining" to help that person feel better, especially if they can't seem to find it themselves.  It is never to diminish what they have experienced, it is to point out that perspective is everything.  So, depending on how you look at it, something good can be found.  Sometimes the only good that can be found is that it could have been worse.

We all must go through times of trial.  No one, no matter how blessed their life has been, escapes pain or sorrow in their life.  It is a necessary part of life.  Without darkness, we wouldn't see the light.  If we never experienced pain, we wouldn't be able to recognize joy for the blessing that it is.

With that understanding, we find ourselves celebrating our survival through the trials & tribulations that we have endured.  Yea us! "You're a trooper"..."you're never given things that you can't handle"..."you can do it"...you get the picture.

Although this may be a mechanism to save us from total depression, it is also a way to get us going again.  If you can remind yourself that you are still you, your light still shines (no matter how dim it feels), you can and will move on...then you will find a way to make it through whatever life throws at you.

If you are having a hard time right now, reminding yourself of what you have survived in the past can help buoy you up when you're feeling low.  If you're not, it can be a celebration of how far you've come and bring the joy of knowing you have good things ahead.  So, give yourself a couple of pats on the back and smile knowing that all is well...

Joyfully yours,

Robyn

The Joy of Change

I found myself sharing some time with someone I haven't seen in quite a while.  As we were talking, it was brought home to me how much things have changed for me in the last year.  I don't think about it much because I am so filled with the joy of the change that I don't really think about "how much" things have changed.  She seemed pleasantly surprised by the changes she was witnessing. 

Today I spent some time watching daytime television.  Shows about a woman and her journey to lose weight and one of my favorites about cleaning cluttered houses.  What struck me was all of the excuses people use for the "why" they haven't changed.  My favorite is, "I've always done it that way", with a close second, "I've never done it like that before".  At which time you want to yell at the television, "and how's that workin for ya!?"

One of the reasons that I was inspired to begin this journey of spreading joy to everyone that I could, was because of change.  I realize that change can seem scary and disconcerting.  However, oftentimes change is necessary and most definitely at times out of our control.  We simply can't stop change from happening, but how we adapt to it is absolutely in our control.

When you are dealing with children, stability is vital.  This is why children have "security" blankets and if you have to move they have all kinds of advice for how to help your children adjust.  However, that need for security and stability never really goes away.  This why people stay at jobs that they are not happy at.  This is why people stay in relationships that don't bring them joy any longer.  At first it's about a need for security, but then it becomes so ingrained that it's easy to just get stuck there.

Over the years each time that I have lost a job it has been because I chose not to move when I was no longer being fulfilled.  First I was given an opportunity to find a way out and then the Universe came in and helped me along.  It doesn't feel helpful at first, it just feels awful.  But, I notice that very quickly I wake up one morning really glad that I don't have to go back.  I no longer wake up with dread at what my day will bring.  I find myself waking with the anticipation of what my day will bring.

We can get stuck in the pain, anger, shame, guilt and resentment.  When we are looking at what has changed versus what we want to do about the change, we are missing the opportunity to really find the gift that the change has brought to our life.  There is always a gift.  What that gift is can only be determined by you.  Have you stopped getting the migraines every Wednesday?  Do you wake up without the anxiety?  Have you rediscovered the beauty of a sunrise?  There are so many gifts to be found!

So, here's the challenge...you knew there would be one.  Think about a change that you've experienced in your life.  It can be a brand new one or an old one that you can't seem to stop going over in your mind.  However, instead of pointing out all of the things that were unpleasant, scary or negative about that change.  Try looking at what gift you received from that change.  I don't want to hear any "yeah, buts".  I understand things are not always easy to recover from, I understand that sometime changes can hurt.  Just try to find at least one gift that the change brought to you, then find one more.  It will definitely give you the opportunity to alter your perspective and then think of the joys that you'll discover!

I remain...joyfully yours,

Robyn