I'm sure you can understand why I started thinking about this, our country just celebrated its independence this weekend. However, the big "AHA" happened sitting in church on Sunday thinking about the struggles that several of my friends have been going through. Too often we look to others to carry us through, just when it is vital for us to find our own way...to be independent.
To be independent means to be "self-governing"...I like that. When you self-govern it means that you and you alone are in control of your behavior and choices. It also means that you, and you alone, can be held accountable for those choices...
Independence is about standing strong on your own two feet. It is about a strength within oneself. It is about remembering that no one can give your light to you, it is yours to find. It is about knowing within yourself that you have the capacity to be all that your heart is called to be. It is about owning all of your parts. It is all about the person you feel deep within.
Living in your joy, when it comes from a place of love, lifts others up, carries you and the lives that you touch to a place filled with light. Joy cannot live in darkness. Your joy grows from love, light and your connection to the love of those around you. You cannot have true joy if you are creating darkness in another's life to get there. Nothing taken is yours for long.
Have you put your foot down and demanded your right to happiness, taking it while leaving others poorer in spirit? Yeah, me too. It wasn't until I realized that if I look back at my behavior, my choices and upon looking back I realized that my behavior was hurting others, then everything was false. It was a false feeling of happiness, a false sense of security, a false belief in what I "deserved". It was clear that my putting my foot down and taking happiness was not about strength and independence, but a selfish attitude of entitlement. It wasn't about growing my strength from within but taking it from someone else. If I am stronger by leaving someone else weaker, then I am standing on some very shaky, unstable ground.
I cannot have a joyful light shining within me if I've taken it from someone else. I cannot lift others up if I'm standing on them. I can only live in the joy of my independence if I can stand next to those around me, basking in our Universal connection to love. We must lift one another up by the strength of our lights glowing together.
I mean there's a word for someone that can't feel love & joy without someone else...co-dependent. That is the opposite of in-dependent...individually dependent...only dependent upon self. Why would you want to validate yourself based on whether someone else loves you? Circumstances are bound to change and if everything you know about yourself is based on someone else's opinion, you're going to be left empty and lonely. If you remember that regardless of what anyone thinks, you love you...you know that the impact that you consciously have in other people's lives is of a positive, love-filled place...you're good.
It's like the oath that doctor's have to take..."first do no harm". If you and what you want is the only thing that matters to you, then you and only you will be to blame when people no longer want you in their lives. When you live in joy, you feel fulfilled in a way that no other person could make you feel. Coupledom, friendships, companions for the journey are all blessings to have in our lives. But, only when we are independent of the NEED for someone else are we truly living in our joy. With independence and love for self, can we stand firmly on our own, knowing that we are love, have love & give love to all.
Stand with me today my friends and claim your independence. Tell yourself that being alone doesn't mean lonely. Remind yourself that the people (the many lights) in your life are standing beside you ready to shine brightly together. You are not alone in the darkness, your are standing strong in your independence...in your joy.
Until next time...
Joyfully yours,
Robyn
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