Royal Wedding: The Joy Top 5 of Someone Else's Joy

I don't know if you watched it, but unless you live without contact with the outside world (how are you reading the blog?)...you know that Prince William married his long time girlfriend Katherine Middleton today in London's Westminster Abbey.

I, like the other 2 BILLION people around the globe, was up watching every royal minute of it. I said to a friend, I did it for his mother, Princess Diana, I had to do it for him.

I cried and smiled and truly enjoyed myself. And just like 30 years ago, I was the only one in my house that was up watching it. I soaked up every minute of the hats, the horses, the carriages, the church, the very "British-ness" of it all.

Now I would not consider myself that much of a voyeur, or even all that interested on a regular day in what happens in the life of the Royals. However, occasions like this had me up all night &, if I had been invited, I would have worn a hat & gone to a wedding watching party. So, it got me thinking why do we take so much pleasure in watching someone else's joy?

These are the top 5 reasons I can come up with:

1. It's a nice escape. Although, the last royal wedding to really capture the world was that of Prince William's parents, the coverage was decidedly more about the feel good stuff & hardly at all about the tragic death of Princess Diana. People would much rather remember her young, 20 year old shyness. We all know the tragedy, pain, suffering and strife that is happening in our country and across the world. But, for a day, maybe two we can just watch happiness.

2. We love a good show. Except for a very few people, this was decidedly foreign to most people's experience. No matter how amazing the White House is...it can't hold a candle to Buckingham Palace. When our calvary get in their dress uniforms,they look really sharp. However, they're not covered in real gold braid, with all emblems hand-sewn, wearing chrome breastplates, brilliantly shiny helmets with feathers and such. As understated as the British are generally, they're very good at pageantry.

3. Joy is contagious. Even someone else's joy, a pleasure to watch, period. There are all kinds of shows on television about having babies, weddings and such. Just as my friend's son reminded me, smiles are contagious. Funny thing is, we don't even have to be in the same room. How often have you found yourself smiling at the television, alone? Or on the phone with someone that you can tell is smiling, and before you know it, you're smiling too.

4. Public joy can be shared. Just like the inauguration people were comrades-in-arms over being at a once-in-a-lifetime event. They bought any number of things with the British flag, waving it, British or not, they camped out and shared champagne. They danced in the streets. They sat in a park, in the chilly London weather to watch a giant screen. And each time someone was asked why, they all said, "I just had to be here. How often does this happen? It's history". Today all over my facebook page, friends shared opinions about the wedding. I got to the coffee shop and people were asking if others had watched it. It brings people together in a makeshift community.

5. People love a good story. Katherine Middleton, a "commoner" has become Her Royal Highness Princess Katherine, Duchess of Cambridge. That's just super cool. Her great-great grandfather was a coal miner. And now she's royal! Regardless of how stratospheric that world seems, it was brought a little bit closer by this lovely couple and her non-royal beginnings. It's Cinderella, Snow White, name a poor-girl-becomes-a-princess story.

So, for the weekend indulge yourself with a little royal watching. Enjoy the smiles on the faces you'll see. Engage in conversation with a stranger if you overhear them mention the wedding...they won't think twice about talking about it. And I'll bet biscuits to bouillon that you'll find yourself smiling at the joy of the moment that you'll share.

Until next time...joyfully yours,

Robyn

Change Part Two: The Joy of a New Perspective

I've been trying to write this blog for several weeks. Each time I start, something interrupts and I never complete it. I don't fight it when this happens, I just figure it's not time to write it yet and move on.

In the last post on change, I spoke about a woman that had marveled at how much I've changed over the last year. I have had two more experiences similar to that in the last week. Neither person had seen me in almost a year and each couldn't believe how different I seemed. One said that I seemed so peaceful and the other wanted to know how I had let go of the fear (that's another discussion for another day).

I find it remarkable how people can see on your face when your life has changed. Fortunately for me, my life has gotten exponentially better over the last year. This is not always the case. However, even when the change doesn't feel that great, it is still a joyful occurence.

But, how can that be you may ask? Since the only constant in life is change, the sooner we accept the joy of change the easier it will be to live with it. Change is neither good or bad, it just is. How you react to the change is where the difference lies.

What has been revealed to me, as of late, is this incredible light that shines within me. Everyone has it, to some it is a much dimmer, distance light, for others it is like a beacon shining directly out of their face. I'd like to think that my light is growing brighter and that is why people are marveling at the change in my appearance.

I have spent the last several months letting go of a lot of preconceived notions about myself and my life. I have opened myself up to the possibilities of life and people keep bringing me new options. "Have you considered doing this or that?" When at least 3 people say the same thing, I start to think something might be there to explore. You know that you're following the right path when people begin trying to shine a light on your path for you.

The biggest change that I have been conscious about is not deluding myself any longer about having control. I know that I can only control myself, no one else, no situation, nothing other than me. My ego interferes, not as much as it used to. But, I am human, I have just begun to seek true enlightenment, so cut me some slack.

The thing that releasing the idea of control has done is allow me to change direction pretty quickly. I have a clear understanding that people won't just do what I want them to do. Nature will not just behave the way I want it to. And no one seems to just give me what I want because I have a nice face. So, if a situation doesn't go as planned, then I have to change the plan.

This has also allowed me to let go of a lot of fear. If I can't control what's going to happen, only how I react to it. Then being fearful of what may or may not happen is pointless. It either is or isn't going to happen. And if it does...then I have to figure out what I'm going to do now.

So, let's raise our glasses...to change, releasing fear and the joy of what's to come!

Let's do an affirmation to change...I welcome change for the new things that it will bring...or, I release my fear of change with a grateful heart I am open to a new perspective...or, I am strong in the knowledge that whatever change comes, I am ready to receive it.

It's your affirmation, you write it. Remember it has to be written in the affirmative...there must be positive language, there must not be any language about what you don't want to happen or I hope that this will happen. Write it down and then try saying it every day for at least a week. You may be pleasantly surprised at the spiritual fortitude you feel as a result.

Until nextime...

I remain, joyfully yours,

Robyn

Building Muscles: The Joy of Pain

Regardless of what the title may have lead you to believe, this is not about working out...well not exactly.

The other night I'm on the phone with a friend of mine and we're talking about changes that have happened in our lives. And we get on the subject of pain. I said to her that pain was necessary without it we'd have no growth. Then I threw out this analogy:

When you lift weights to build muscle, the actual building of the muscle doesn't happen until you're recovering from the damage that the weight lifting does. When you lift weights, you put tiny tears in your muscles. During rest, while your body repairs all of the damage from the day, your muscles become slightly bigger to bridge the tears that you've put in them.

When you suffer some sort of emotional turmoil. You don't grow while you're feeling the pain of it. You don't grow stronger until afterwards, when you have to recover from this pain. You have to repair your heart to recover from the pain, and in so doing you become stronger than before.

Each kind of pain has it's own kind of recovery. Loss of a job has a different recovery process than loss of a friend or family member, a break up after 6 months is considerably different than a break-up after 5 years. However, the process is more than likely the same, the duration of your recovery could be very different.

But how, you may ask, could any of these losses be considered joyful?

I'm glad you asked! If we went through life and never suffered any loss, no emotional turmoil, no pain at all...how would we know what joy felt like? If you have nothing to compare it to, then joy is just the status quo. Although it can be extraordinarily painful at times, a life without contrast wouldn't be extraordinary at all, it would be decidedly ordinary, mundane, flat, life...less.

Although I believe that we must feel some pain to some degree, I am the last person that wants to wallow in it. I have known some incredible wallowers in my time. I admire their ability to milk every misery out of a situation. I am no good at it. I am looking for a way to move out of misery as quickly as possible.

The quickest way is to figure out what you feel, then why you feel it. If you cannot change the outcome to something more favorable, why would you continue to relive it over and over again? As grateful as I am for pain and what it can teach me, I am also glad to get back to my joy. So, I do everything I can to work through it to start feeling joyful again.

Yes, I understand that the depths of the pain will dictate, to some degree, how long it will take to recover. But, I also understand that part of that recovery begins the day that you are looking toward feeling better and away from how awful you feel. Looking toward the joy helps you find it sooner.

So, let's do an experiment. I want you to look back at a time when you felt some degree of pain. This is not about revisiting that pain. This is about approaching your recovery from it. This example painful time, how long did it take you to recover from it? What steps did you take to move forward with your life? How long did it take before you got to the point of moving forward? How long afterwards was it before you remember actually feeling joyful again (without any artificial substance assistance)? Are you pleased with your answers? How could you have approached your recovery differently?

The thing to remember is that you will not have a life free from pain. The sooner you are ready to rest and recover from it, the sooner you can get to rebuilding and becoming stronger. It's time to flex those joy muscles and put the weights you've been carrying down. Give yourself time to rest and the next time you have to carry the weight of the world on your sholders it won't seem nearly as heavy.

Until next time friends...

Joyfully yours,

Robyn

Parking Spaces: The Joy of Your Own Lot

I had a customer, at a former job that owned a parking lot. He said that it wasn't sexy, but it made money. On more than one occasion I have had a reserved parking space. It was a nice perk from my job, especially when I lived in New York City...parking nightmare of the highest order. But, the other day I was feeling a little run-down and sluggish. My energy was low, an unusual occurrence for me.

I realized that I had been keeping space in my internal parking lot, reserved for other people. When they wanted to pop in and pop out of my life, I had energy/a space, reserved just for them.

Two things came to me immediately ~ 1. I had this space reserved for them, but they didn't do the same for me. I was 3rd or even 4th in line for that spot...and 2. It worked out great for them when they needed help, but it didn't leave much room for me.

Do you find yourself doing this? Are there certain people in your life that have a parking pass and they use it whenever they feel like it? However, if you look to them to reserve some space for you, you get the "Full Lot" sign.

When I started thinking about how many people I do this for, it really made me angry. "How could they treat ME like this?! (That pesky Ego is relentless). Then I got angry with myself ~ How could I let them treat me like this?! And I got a little belligerent..."Fine, you're going to have to make it up to me now (Um, Ego, could you take a coffee break or something?)

Then the "AHA" came. What if I have a giant lot and each space is reserved for me? Then no matter how much space I need, it's available? Let me quickly say...I am not shutting myself off. If someone needs space, I am willing to let them use some. I will not be cajoled into giving up what I need for them. It must be given freely and I must come to the understanding that this is something that I can "uniquely" help you with. I must feel joy in giving this space to you. I cannot feel sad, mad, tortured &/or terrible.

Although we're talking about parking spaces, the only real analogy that I could find for how liberating it felt to give myself this permission, was a line from Home Alone:

~My very own cheezy pizza!~

I felt liberated from my own dark, small, back corner space, free to park wherever I chose. No more giving up my time, energy, my "space" to someone else. At least not when I need to nurture myself, support myself, uplift myself, valet park.

So, here's the assignment: Make a list, mental or put pen to paper. On this list are all of the people you have put ahead of you. People who are not reserving a space in their lot for you. People that may be not even using their space, but you're leaving it open "just in case" they need it/you.

Once you've got this list ~ cross each name off and write in big letters...M...E... It is important to remember that in order to have the energy to give to others you must first give to yourself. You must give yourself the permission to put yourself first, save your spaces for feeling the joy of what you need. When you give yourself what you need, when the time is right, you will have the space you need to give to others.

Once you begin to feel the Joy of Being You, the space will open wide within you and the gates will be thrown open to welcome anyone the you joyfully receive.

Until next time...

Joyfully yours,

Robyn

Renewal: The Joy of Sunday

I love Sunday!  In my family, for a very long time it has been the day of rest & unplugging.  When I was growing up, my mother, sister and I would go to a movie or spend hours wandering around our favorite second-hand bookstore (shout out to Black & Read Books, Arvada, CO)

Flash forward a few years, after church, my ex and I would meet friends for brunch, sit in the park with a picnic or just sit on the couch and read the paper.  It's the day of Jazz in the Park, in the summer.  As some of my friends have been known to say...Sunday, Funday!

The reason I have always relished Sunday is because I take it as a day for renewal.  It is the day I do not work.  As a writer, I get ideas all of the time.  As a workshop leader, I am always reading & as a student of life I'm continually inspired by life/people around me.  So, the "no work on Sunday" rule, is not always easy to follow.  Sometimes I am practically sitting on my hands.  I have taken to having a plethora of "fun fiction" (mostly mysteries) at the ready so I have something to read that is not about spirituality, personal growth, psychology, prosperity or abundance.  It can get really hard if I'm particularly excited about a new find from the library.  I am currently working my way through no less than 18 books (good thing the library lets you take out like 10 a day).  I am exceedingly grateful for my library card and the close proximity of the college library. 

So, Sunday's rule is only pleasure reading.  No writing, except in my journal or, even better, I'll write a letter ~ no Twitter, no emails, no facebook (unless it's an emergency).  It is vital to find ways to re-connect, rejuvenate, renew myself, my psyche and my soul.

Now, this can all be done on any day.  It doesn't have to be Sunday.  I have found it difficult to tune out the world on a Tuesday, however.  It can be done if you are determined to take time for yourself.  Do you take this time?  If it can't be an entire day, you still need to take at least some time.  There are many reasons why this is necessary ~ mine is all about the joy!

The joy of spending time with loved ones.  The joy of laughter with friends.  The joy of soul peace.  The joy of being you, just you, not your roles.  The powerful joy that you feel when you find that connection to your inner light.  The list of the joys you find could go on for days.  The joy of sleeping in...ahh, that's a nice one if you usually get up early.  The joy of a donut...Sunday is donut day in my house.  My mother used to get up early on Sunday and go gets donuts while they were still fresh and well stocked. 

Maroon 5 has a song that I thought always described exactly how I feel about Sunday.  Here it is:

Drivin slow on Sunday Mornin...and I never want to leave.  That's it.  It cracks me up that people are singing karaoke in this...I don't sing karaoke.  I get too nervous and sound awful.  But, I did sing this once, for a special friend, because I love it  and them so much.

Find a way to take some time out...slow down and help your body renew.  It may be after a night out of too much "fun".  It's vital to find your center...find that smile playing across your lips without really knowing where it came from.  It's that feeling that comes when you start drivin slow...

Joyfully yours,

Robyn

Inner Strength: The Joy of Going Home

As it states in my "About Me" blurb, I'm almost 44 years old.  I have lived on my own, for the most part, more than half of my life now.  I am currently going through a major transition in my life.  There are an incredible amount of changes, some expected, some completely unexpected.  As you know, I am really good with change.  I welcome change.  We can only discover new parts of ourselves when we encounter change.

So, in preparation for a major move, I decided to move back into my parents' home.  It was practical from a financial standpoint.  Plus, I am currently without any obligations other than to myself.  My parents were glad because they like it when I'm "home".  My father told me he was glad I was there for a while, but knew I wasn't staying.

It's been pretty cool for the most part.  I have a pretty good relationship with my parents.  My father doesn't say much, but we all laugh a good deal when we're hanging out at home.  It was an adjustment.  We have a tendency to fall back into old patterns of behavior when we're around our families.  No matter how strong and independent I imagine myself to be...I find myself 16 all over again, at least part of the time.

Something unexpected has begun emerging from being back with my parents.  I'm growing up all over again!  This time I am discovering who I am, not who I think my parents want me to be.  I also seem to be inspiring different behavior in them.  We are learning how to be three adults in a house together.  We are learning how to communicate as adults with one another.  I find them relying on my strength more.

The thing is, I would never have the strength that I have today without the strength I received from them in the past.  I reached out to someone the other day asking them to lend me some of their strength.  The reply I got from them was "you're strong enough".  At first I was put off by it...why aren't you more concerned about me (hello ego, nice to see you again).  Then I realized they were right.  I have a great deal of strength within me.  I am rooted in the strength that is my birthright.  My parents made sure that I knew that they always believed in me.  Whatever I needed was always available, even when it was just a hand to rub my hair and soothe my soul.

And now, when faced with the challenges that life inevitably throws at you I can reach within me and connect to that strength.  

You have it too my friends.  At times you have no idea where it comes from.  You hear stories of people overcoming great obstacles & hardships, listening in wonder, you can't believe they didn't just break down.  However, in reality, you have that same strength within you.  It is always  at the ready when you need to draw from it.  I have had to draw on it in different degrees throughout my life.  However, it is now, when so many things are changing at once, that I realize that this strength was given to me a long time ago.  And I am grateful everyday for it.

Time for your assignment...think back to times when you have been challenged...had to overcome a great obstacle...had to push through the pain & fear...where did you find the strength to do it?  You'll say...I don't know, I just had to do it...exactly!  It's right there, lying within, waiting for you to need it.  Without needing to dig down deep to find it, your strength was at the ready at exactly the moment that you needed it.  Remember that the next time you think you don't have the strength....of course you do...you're strong enough...what a joyful discovery!

Joyfully yours,

Robyn

The Joy of Slowing Down

As some of you may know, I lived in New York City for almost 17 years.  It was amazing!  It was everything that you hear times 100!

I worked in a very fast-paced industry in a very fast-paced city.  It was go, go, go, do, do, do all of the time. I loved it!  Then, something moved in me and I needed a change.  At the time, I had no idea what had moved, so I had no idea what change I needed.  I tried a move to New England...still the East, pace is slower, minds are still moving at the speed of light!

It wasn't until this past Fall that I finally realized what I really needed.  I needed to slow down.  No matter where I moved, I would still be there trying to make things happen before it was really time.  Although patience is part of it, it's not the whole story. 

I completed my book in mid-January, or so I thought.  I dutifully edited it.  Then I gave it to two other people for further edits and revisions.  I started meeting people, telling them about the book.  I researched publishers, spoke to literary agents...all of the things that are part of the publishing process.  And yet, nothing was happening.

So, in February, on Groundhog Day, my friends and I planted our "Seeds of Intention". They were freesia bulbs intended to represent what we wanted to "grow" for the coming spring.  Mine started very slowly growing...it was making me a little nervous, but it's nature and you can't rush nature.  So, I waited and kept doing my thing.  I posted blogs, started "tweeting", started planning my Joy Workshops.  It began sprouting.  In fact, it really started growing.  I spoke to her everyday.  Thanking her for her growth encouraging her in her journey toward the sun.

My first workshop happened...it was awesome!  I started blogging more, I got more followers on twitter, more fans on my facebook fan page...and one day I noticed buds!  How exciting!  Things are moving right along.  And then I'm sitting in church and the sermon is on patience.  It came just at the time I needed to hear it.  I was getting a little impatient about why my book wasn't getting any closer to being published.  Then 3 days later...I realize that I have left 2 very important things out of the book and I have to go back to add them.  So, the patience message got through to me loud and clear.

Part of the reason I left NYC was to take things at a slower pace.  I really wanted to find my "flow" again, but just not in the rushing Hudson River.  After a few days of turbulence it finally came to me...the reason I was having trouble with my flow was because I was trying to speed the river up instead of slowing my "flow" down. 

In the last week or so, I've been working on slowing MY flow...look at this...

Yes my seed of intention is beginning to bloom. 

It is important to remember my friends, life comes at it's own pace.  You must listen to your rhythms.  You must stay focused on your center, your light, your purpose.  When you keep your focus there, your "flow" will begin, well flowing.  You can't rush yourself.  You can't skip ahead.  It is our jobs to stay connected to who we are...the Universe knows just where you're going.

So, let's take a deep breath together....breathe iiiiiiinnnnn.......and oooouuuutttt....keep doing this.  You'll begin to feel it, maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow...but at just the right moment, the energy will begin to flow.

Joyfully yours,

Robyn

The Joy of Resilience

So, this week I've encountered many stories of people "bouncing back" from trauma, tragedy & just everyday challenges.  What occurred to me is that when someone expresses to you what has happened to them, often they will tell you the story as more of a "tale of survival".  It's as though they need to prove to both themselves and you that they have made it or will make it through.

I love this about the human spirit! When a tragedy strikes, although there will be a report of the casualties, the story that people like to concentrate on is how many survivors there are.  When someone tells me a sorrowful tale, the first thing that I want to do is find the "silver lining" to help that person feel better, especially if they can't seem to find it themselves.  It is never to diminish what they have experienced, it is to point out that perspective is everything.  So, depending on how you look at it, something good can be found.  Sometimes the only good that can be found is that it could have been worse.

We all must go through times of trial.  No one, no matter how blessed their life has been, escapes pain or sorrow in their life.  It is a necessary part of life.  Without darkness, we wouldn't see the light.  If we never experienced pain, we wouldn't be able to recognize joy for the blessing that it is.

With that understanding, we find ourselves celebrating our survival through the trials & tribulations that we have endured.  Yea us! "You're a trooper"..."you're never given things that you can't handle"..."you can do it"...you get the picture.

Although this may be a mechanism to save us from total depression, it is also a way to get us going again.  If you can remind yourself that you are still you, your light still shines (no matter how dim it feels), you can and will move on...then you will find a way to make it through whatever life throws at you.

If you are having a hard time right now, reminding yourself of what you have survived in the past can help buoy you up when you're feeling low.  If you're not, it can be a celebration of how far you've come and bring the joy of knowing you have good things ahead.  So, give yourself a couple of pats on the back and smile knowing that all is well...

Joyfully yours,

Robyn