I had a customer, at a former job that owned a parking lot. He said that it wasn't sexy, but it made money. On more than one occasion I have had a reserved parking space. It was a nice perk from my job, especially when I lived in New York City...parking nightmare of the highest order. But, the other day I was feeling a little run-down and sluggish. My energy was low, an unusual occurrence for me.
I realized that I had been keeping space in my internal parking lot, reserved for other people. When they wanted to pop in and pop out of my life, I had energy/a space, reserved just for them.
Two things came to me immediately ~ 1. I had this space reserved for them, but they didn't do the same for me. I was 3rd or even 4th in line for that spot...and 2. It worked out great for them when they needed help, but it didn't leave much room for me.
Do you find yourself doing this? Are there certain people in your life that have a parking pass and they use it whenever they feel like it? However, if you look to them to reserve some space for you, you get the "Full Lot" sign.
When I started thinking about how many people I do this for, it really made me angry. "How could they treat ME like this?! (That pesky Ego is relentless). Then I got angry with myself ~ How could I let them treat me like this?! And I got a little belligerent..."Fine, you're going to have to make it up to me now (Um, Ego, could you take a coffee break or something?)
Then the "AHA" came. What if I have a giant lot and each space is reserved for me? Then no matter how much space I need, it's available? Let me quickly say...I am not shutting myself off. If someone needs space, I am willing to let them use some. I will not be cajoled into giving up what I need for them. It must be given freely and I must come to the understanding that this is something that I can "uniquely" help you with. I must feel joy in giving this space to you. I cannot feel sad, mad, tortured &/or terrible.
Although we're talking about parking spaces, the only real analogy that I could find for how liberating it felt to give myself this permission, was a line from Home Alone:
~My very own cheezy pizza!~
I felt liberated from my own dark, small, back corner space, free to park wherever I chose. No more giving up my time, energy, my "space" to someone else. At least not when I need to nurture myself, support myself, uplift myself, valet park.
So, here's the assignment: Make a list, mental or put pen to paper. On this list are all of the people you have put ahead of you. People who are not reserving a space in their lot for you. People that may be not even using their space, but you're leaving it open "just in case" they need it/you.
Once you've got this list ~ cross each name off and write in big letters...M...E... It is important to remember that in order to have the energy to give to others you must first give to yourself. You must give yourself the permission to put yourself first, save your spaces for feeling the joy of what you need. When you give yourself what you need, when the time is right, you will have the space you need to give to others.
Once you begin to feel the Joy of Being You, the space will open wide within you and the gates will be thrown open to welcome anyone the you joyfully receive.
Until next time...
Joyfully yours,
Robyn
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