I ended a working relationship today. Although those kinds of situations are never pleasant, this felt incredibly satisfying. I finally said "when".
I have been in a whirlwind of activity over the last two months. I have started several new projects, hired an assistant (she's the best thing since ice cream, yes she's that good), writing assignments continue to come my way, all-in-all it's been a productive summer. I also took on a job that I thought was going to answer some really important issues for me, that, however, was not the case.
So, when time began to pass and each week there was another reason why something didn't go the way we had planned...I started getting concerned. Everyone that had been there, quit (hmmm, do they know something I don't...nah). Then the reason that they originally wanted me there completely changed. Why are we still trying to make this work?
I know why. I hate to fail at anything. If I quit, that means I've failed. If I fire you as a client, that means I've failed you. What I never give myself the credit for is recognizing when it is no longer working for either party and someone has to said "when".
One of my all-time favorite movies is "Regarding Henry" with Harrison Ford. He plays this high-powered, creep of an attorney in NYC. He gets shot and has brain damage. So, he has to learn how to do everything all over again. In one scene, he is trying to go back to his old life at the law firm and his secretary is pouring a coffee. She tells him to say when...you know the rest. The cup runs over and that's when she explains to him that..."when you've had enough say when"
This is a simple statement, but a powerful one. It pretty much can be used for any situation. If you know that things are just not moving in a direction that is either healthy or joyful for either party, it's time to say when. Someone has to be strong enough.
I had someone working for me a couple of years ago. Each week there was some other reason why the work didn't get done...2 hospital stays notwithstanding. So, finally I just said to her that it was time to be done. I told her that I could see that things were not working out the way that we had hoped and no one was happy with the situation. She hugged me and said thank you! She didn't want to tell me that she couldn't do it, but she was so relieved that I ended it. That was the easiest time I had firing someone, ever! But, it also taught me that saying "when" is useful for something other than a cup of coffee.
Why do we allow ourselves to suffer through things when every sign is telling us that this is just not working? So often we make the decision to stick it out, and make due with less than our expectations. What I have found is most of the time we are never rewarded for the compromise. We find the joy of the fresh start morph quickly into dissatisfaction and discontent. Then we find ourselves "stuck".
I'm here to give you the permission to un-stick yourself! Create an exit strategy to get yourself out of whatever you need to get out of. There is no reward for accepting misery. No one will stand beside you and pat you on the back for not quitting.
Let me put it another way...if you're at a job that you hate, in a relationship that is unfulfilling, whatever...how are you going to find the thing that gets you bounding out of bed in the morning or find someone that makes you feel completely heard and cared for if you're holding on to the thing that doesn't work? You can't move forward if you keep holding on to the past.
It's time to say WHEN!!! Free yourself so that you may accept the joy that is waiting for you.
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